0 Chris Axe Launches New Fragrance... Posted by Neil.H. | at 8/27/2010 08:53:00 PM

 ..We caught up with rock star Chris Axe as he launched his classic new aftershave 'Sexy Boy' at the Paris international fashion and fragrance show.

Keen to join the many stars on the perfume Juggernaut, 'Axe' was over the moon with his latest endorsed project.
Having teamed up with the worlds leading Eau du Parfum experts - Jeanne Arthes - in Paris, it seems that the god of rock has come up trumps again.

An enthusiastic Chris shouted "I need to smell like a million dollars when im on stage and when im off stage"

Chris went on to say "Its class groupies i'm after, not some dirty skanks that have been round the block more times than a tramps dog!

He added "Sexy Boy gives me the edge, man i smell fresh, get ya asses to the shops and buy some now!


From Wiffin' to Riffin', Chris Axe continues his break from touring to work on new material for his solo project...
We cant wait.

0 Axe Hits The Big Four O... Posted by Neil.H. | at 7/23/2010 11:40:00 AM

..Argyle & slippers are the new items of choice for everyone's favorite rocker -but when Chris Axe received a booty of pressies from close friends today for his 40th he nearly spat his pipe out!

Two vinyl legends ready to feel the needle of Axe's gramophone, namely 'Big' Val Doonican and the mighty 'King's Singers were top on Chris'  birthday list - a dream come true for sure.

Chris commented "Im gobsmacked, its just what i wanted".

An out of breath Axxi continued "Ive been nagging everyone for an ESP guitar for about 9 months when truthfully this is what i really wanted"



From rock star to rocking chair, Chris Axe will be taking a well earned rest from his Arena Tour 2010, which will continue in November.

0 Chris Axe Reports... Student's bizarre attack on Hell's Angels Posted by Neil.H. | at 6/16/2010 02:37:00 PM

 Real news.. from your Favorite rock star reporter...

A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria when he 'mooned' a group of Hell's Angels, hurled a puppy at them and then escaped on a bulldozer.

The 26-year-old drove into the grounds of the motorcycle gang members' clubhouse north of Munich, according to reports in local media.
The young man, who was not identified, then dropped his pants, threw the puppy, and then fled.


After making his getaway, he stole the bulldozer from a nearby construction site, and attempted to drive it to Munich.
However, it was not fast enough, and his snail-like pace caused a three-mile traffic jam near the southern town of Allershausen.
He then fled to his home nearby where he was apprehended by the police.

"What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," said a spokesman for local police.
He added that the student had been suffering from depression. The puppy was now in safe hands at a local animal shelter.

0 'AXE FACTOR' - J'Edward in shock revalation.. Posted by Neil.H. | at 11/02/2009 08:31:00 PM

Sources revealed today that failing X-Factor Tossers contestants John & Edward have called Chris Axe in a desperate bid for help.

As each week passes by the public are getting more and more annoyed at the terrible two-some's cringe-worthy Saturday night performances.

Their last attempt to catch the publics eye was a god awful rendition of the Queen hit 'We will Rock you' which they thoroughly ruined in style.

 The Judges had mixed feelings, but none so clear as from the man in charge..

"Night of the living dead and completely out of tune" Simon Cowbell barked at them.

"I'll bloody top myself if they win this competition' blurted the boss eyed X-Factor millionaire.

Instead it was Rachel who was left in tears after she got the boot in her third sing-off.

"Good riddance" said host Dermot O'Cleary (brother of Famous 'down and out' Adrian O'Cleary).

Asked if the call was legitimate, Chris Axe told the press today "yes its true, John and Edward did call me today asking me to help them, seems they want to up their game and rock like the Axeman"

He continued "I told that pair of slimy goons to do a fat one and if they ever called me again i would fart in their faces!


We know that when the 'Axe man' makes a threat like that, those boys better beware...

0 Dont cry over spilt milk Posted by Neil.H. | at 10/21/2009 08:46:00 PM

Disaster struck the Axeman early this morning as a clumsy milkman left a cracked bottle of milk on the door step of 'Axe Towers'.

It wasn't until Chris Axe had taken the milk into his kitchen that the calamity would occur...

As our master of metal reached for the fridge door the bottom of the milk bottle fell off spilling its contents far and wide!

Swiftly out with the bucket and mop and almost cleaned up, Chris bent down and his stage strides split right across his arse!

We asked Axe for his comments on todays events:

"Unbelieveable! The bottom just fell off the milk bottle. I bent down to sort out the spillage and have split my trousers!"

Fortunately Beth Axe has bought him some new slacks which The Axe man will sport on stage at tomorrows NIA gig in Birmingham.. the show will go on!

0 Total Guitar Magazine November 2009 Posted by Neil.H. | at 10/14/2009 07:25:00 PM

0 Axe's ipod Rumor exposed Posted by Neil.H. | at 10/10/2009 03:48:00 PM

TV's Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin reports:

"Hi Axe fans, it seems that the rumors are true... I was hanging out backstage with Chris Axe last week and had a look at his ipod while he was getting ready to go on stage.

Unfortunately the track list was not what i expected! Instead of the mega metal playlist i was hoping for i got a shock!

Take a look a the photo i took:

0 Now Available on DVD.. Posted by Neil.H. | at 10/06/2009 09:59:00 PM

At long last, the release of Chris Axe's 'Fantasy Axeland' - season one - on DVD  & Blue-ray, has finally been given the go ahead.

Due in stores from November 7th, season one consists of 24 thrilling episodes and previously unseen footage and many more rare extras.

This classic series from the 80's shows 'Axe' at his best as he plays 'Tattoo' - assistant to Mr. Roarke (played by Ricardo Montalbán), the enigmatic overseer of a mysterious island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, where people from all walks of life could come and live out their fantasies, albeit for a price.

Pre-order your copy today as the first 1000 DVD's come with a free limited edition Fantasy Axeland T-shirt and snow globe.

It was great to hear Axe say "Ze plane! Ze plane!" in the 80's and its even better to hear it again on DVD.

0 Hollywood Walk of Fame Posted by Neil.H. | at 10/04/2009 12:10:00 PM

Recently added to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, an overjoyed Chris Axe was spotted signing autographs yesterday to a surprised public.

Fans were delighted to see their idol dressed in full Storm trooper stage gear and crowded the 'Master of Metal' for a chance to get a signature.

 On a quick break from the chaos 'Axe' told us "dudes, its been a great day and i'm chuffed to bits to be on the Walk of Fame"

 

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce Walk of Fame Committee is responsible for selecting a new group of entertainers each year to receive stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and our

Axe was selected and proudly presented with the star last week, with a big celebrity awards bash on the sidewalk and a party shortly afterwards.

Chris Axe continues his 'Stadiums' world tour - catch him in concert if you can.

0 Jim'll Fix It For 'Axe'.. Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/30/2009 08:57:00 PM

Now then, now then, long time fan of 'Axe', Sir Jimmy Saville (82) says he's got a soft spot for the master of metal.

We caught up with him at his home in Bilston and asked him why he is so infatuated with 'our Chris'.

"Goodness gracious, as it 'appens i would trade my shell suit and gold jewellery to have a date with the Axe"...

Taking a break from his workout Sir Jim' added "i would certainly run a marathon with Chris and he can hold my cigar anytime, How's about that, then?

You can catch up with Sir Jim next week on ITV's Jim'll Fix It Strikes Again when he fixes it for more peoples dreams to come true - perhaps he can fix it for us to win the lottery?..

0 Disaster In Store..! Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/28/2009 08:58:00 PM

 Tragedy struck today at the grand opening of Chris Axe's new Biscuit shop just as the crowds rushed the doors.

As promised, 'Axe' was ready to greet his fans who were eager to sample his wares but as they scrambled towards the opening offers they got more than they bargained for!

Shopper and fan Adrian Cleary who had been queuing over night for a chance to be first into the Chris Axe Biscuit Shop said "I was rushing through the doors of the store when i was thrown back with force by one of Axe's legendary massive farts"

Allegedly the blast was so great that the crowd were forced back out onto the street, but this is yet to be confirmed.

Cleary, clearly drunk, added "Ive always wanted those biscuits, but i wont be shopping there again anytime soon"

Our reporter managed to get a snap of the Axe mans slacks shortly after the blast, which held strong through most of the trouser trumpet, but even these purpose built military grade combats gave way towards the end of the thunder from down under!

Axe, a black belt 3rd dan Farter, perfecter of the 'Squeaky Scorcher technique', was unavailable for an interview as he was still laughing to himself behind locked doors whilst posting the details on Twitter.

The store is now closed until further notice so disappointed biscuit lovers and 'Axe Fans' alike will have to wait again if they want to get up close and personal to owner Chris Axe...

..although we recommend keeping a safe distance for your own safety.

0 TV Make-over Show gets Make-over.. Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/26/2009 01:06:00 PM

Struggling for ratings, ITV bosses have enrolled world famous heavy metal guitarist and confectionery expert 'Chris Axe' to revive the dwindling viewing figures and put 60 Minute Make-over back on the map.

Aptly re-named '60 Minute Cake-over' the new format is aimed at a wider audience and with new host 'Axe' on board the channel is ever hopeful to woo the population away from rival BBC's 'Strictly Bun Dancing'.

Chris Axe commented "I'm ready to rock the show, you will be glued to your sets when you see my iced bun and Bakewell tart arrangements"
The new show airs later this year - we cant wait!

0 "Mr.T" questions the Axe Man on his favourite biscuits Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/25/2009 10:03:00 PM

He's no crazy fool when it comes to choosing a great biscuit to go with his elevenses and Mr.T ain't getting on no plane, in fact he's heading straight to Sainsbury's to grab a pack of Hob nobs.

The legendary "A team" member can craft a tank out of an old coke can and feels this gives him the right to lay down the law on biscuit management.

Mr.T was reported to shout out at Chris Axe during his guitar solo at last nights 02 Arena gig. Mr.T was clearly angry and six security guards had to push him back into the crowd whilst he continued to chant "Don't let me hear you saying custard cream's sucka!

'Axe' seemed undisturbed and carried on with the show, although appearing a little shook up.

Mr.T was later spotted leaving the arena speeding away in his snickers Tank.

0 Guest Blogger: Magnum PI reports.. Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/24/2009 09:40:00 PM

Hi Axe fans, just taking take out from some serious investigating to bring you my findings..

Parked my sporty red 308 GTS Ferrari at Higgins' house - had to watch out for those pesky Doberman's Zeus and Apollo though, always trying to bite my ass!








Thought i would warn you about the new fashion about to hit the high street - 'mantyhose' - tights for men!

Yes tights for men, and im hoping my good friend Chris Axe wont be endorsing them?

They're available in Selfridges and Patels mini mart Burntwood, £70 a pair, made by lingerie brand Unconditional and are a tough 120 denier thickness.

More importantly though, i found this photo of Axe and his good friend Wire posted on the net.

As yet i cant confirm if its real or a hoax, but as they say there's no smoke without fire!

0 The Chuckle Brothers Have their Say Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/23/2009 08:45:00 PM

Long time "Axe Fan's" Barry & Paul Chuckle couldn't wait to get their slot on the Chris Axe Appreciation Society web log.

 Hogging the phone lines to our head office we finally gave in to let them leave their comments.

Taking a break from Chuckle vision, they said:

"Oh yes, we've been big fan of Chris Axe for a long time now"

They went on to say: "we remember when he came to see us in panto at Stafford's Gatehouse Theater, it was a great honor, you should have seen his face when we said To Me - To You"


Its been rumored that Chris Axe may join them this coming festive season on stage as the rear end of the panto horse, although there is no confirmation from his agent as yet.

0 Metal Ross Speaks Out... Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/23/2009 09:32:00 AM

Global guitar superstar 'Metal Ross", famous for rocking the worlds biggest stadiums to millions of music fans, spoke out last night about Chris Axe's claim that custard cream's are the only biscuit of choice when it comes to dunking in your cup of tea.

An outraged Ross shouted "Axe may think he knows biscuits but I'm telling you he hasn't got a clue! Its quite clear to me and all my fans around the world that the Bourbon is the only biscuit good enough for dunking"

Ross laid down the gauntlet clearly and has since locked himself in his London Hilton hotel room until Chris Axe calls to apologise... we predict a riot, and numerous cups of tea.

0 Axe is the "Real Deal" says TV's Dickinson.. Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/22/2009 02:36:00 PM

"Cant get enough of Chris Axe" David Dickinson was heard saying yesterday to Keith Chegwin at the Cambridge Antiques fair..



Seems The Axe Man made a real impression on the Bargain hunts host..


 If the Axe was up for auction you can bet Dickinson would be raising his hand.

0 Who is Chris Axe? Posted by Neil.H. | at 9/22/2009 01:05:00 PM

Dudes, Chris Axe is a legend..!

He's a rock Guitarist for a start - and a modest one too! (and he aint gay).. although this picture don't really back that statement up..?

All the stars love him - fact!.. in fact if Little & Large phone me one more time asking for him i swear i'll... well, er, swear!